Being Wuddles

My son had a speech issue when he was younger and certain sounds were hard for him.  He could not say cuddles so it turned into wuddles and somehow that became his name for me.  I remember the days when he would wrap himself in a blanket and throw himself into my arms saying “Wuddles, I need some cuddles.”  This was after he learned how to say cuddles.  It was so sweet and would make my heart melt every time.

Our bonding was different than that between my daughter and I.  They were so sick when we brought them home, but he was much sicker than she was.  His lungs were not as developed and he had asthma which was quite severe.  He was in the hospital about 30 times until he was 8 years old.  The endless sleepless nights holding him while he struggled to breathe at home and in the hospital.  The vigils when he was on a respirator, waiting for him to wake up again.  My heart hurts just thinking about it now.  And I know it is part of what makes the bonding with him feel so intense.  And my gratitude that he is now healthy is palpable.

This week my husband was talking to the kids about getting tickets to a game and taking them but my son does not want to go.  I felt badly for my husband because he was trying so hard.  But my heart was so filled with joy at the look on my son’s face, his excitement, about the fact that he would spend the time just with me.  My 13 year old man/child looked at me with a huge smile and said “it will be mommy and me time just you and me wuddles.”

He.  Melts.  My.  Heart.  Every.  Day.

I just love them so much.